I’m housesitting in the suburbs of Wellington. I have to feed a cat each morning at 7:00 AM.

She’s 18 years old, irritable and set in her ways. She has a routine and I must follow it, or she roams the hallway crying like a banshee. It’s pretty cute.
The tips of her ears were cut off because of skin cancer. She doesn’t shed hair, she molts. And sometimes she smells like urine.
I’ve been tweeting about my days with the cat for the last three weeks.
As her days are limited I try to make her happy. I hope she lasts until this Thursday, which is my last day housesitting.
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Categories:jeffrey-ism, kiwi-ism, life, memory
The setting: At a party.
“And that’s when I learnt about castrating and docking sheep1,” I said. “The poor little guys. It looks painful.”
“I know the feeling. You know between the two of us there’s a total of three testicles,” he said.
“…”
“Are you suggesting that I only have one testicle?”
“No, I’m assuming you’re a healthy male,” he said.
“What happened? Did you leave a sharpened pencil in your pocket?”
“No, I had cancer.”
“…”
“Well at least you can sympathize with being castrated, I guess.”
“True. It’s painful. Maybe next time I’ll say I left a sharpened pencil in my pocket. That’s funnier.”
1. To dock a sheep is to cut off its tail.
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Categories:jeffrey-ism, kiwi-ism, life, memory, odd
For the past few weeks I’ve been in Hawai’i, on the beach, usually watching surfers. Tough life.

I could only watch the surfers because I’m just a beginner. Those waves look small but they’re easily 12 feet high. I saw a man’s surfboard snap it half.
Some other remarkable memories from my three week vacation:
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a street peddler attempted to sell me tickets to a shooting range where I could fire “real guns”
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a customs official asked if I brought marmite. I asked if it was illegal, and she said, “No, I just don’t like the stuff. Yuck.”
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some Hawaiians are fat. Bigger than midwestern fat. I think their island genes compound the fatty foods
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a stranger gave me a lift, and I asked him what to see in O’ahu. He said, “I don’t know. I usually drink with my friends. It’s safer that way.” I didn’t ask
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my parents and I saw lava flow into the ocean at Volcano National Park
I mostly slept in the sun. It was so warm…
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Categories:american-ism, jeffrey-ism, memory, patriotism
Here’s another photo from last weekend.

You can still see the snow at the summit of the mountain. The black dots in the bottom right of the photo are hikers walking the Tongariro Crossing.
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Categories:jeffrey-ism, kiwi-ism, life, memory
Last weekend I walked the Tongariro Crossing. This was my second time, and the weather was perfect.

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Categories:jeffrey-ism, kiwi-ism, life, memory