jeffrey

Last night I met Vicky, Neil and Anouk for dinner.

On my way to Crazy Horse¹ someone threw a water balloon out of a window and it nearly hit me. It landed next to my right leg.

I looked up at the sky and shook my fist! They were out there somewhere! It was probably the same person who hit the back of my head with a fork.

I thought I escaped embarrassment. But during dinner, Vicky said, “You should go salsa dancing.”

“I don’t salsa dance,” I said.

“Why not? They always need more men.”

“The last time salsa danced I kicked the toenail off my date.”

“Ouch!”

“I had to make a tourniquet out of a napkin for her bleeding toe,” I said.

“Right,” Vicky said. “I always forget that story!”

Salsa dancing confuses me because there’s too much stepping. One wrong move and bang! She loses a toenail.

If I tried again, I would make her wear steel-toed boots. Not very sexy, but safe.

_{1. Crazy Horse is an excellent steak house in Wellington. I had filet mignon. In New Zealand “filet” is pronounced “fill it.”}

Popularity: 69% [?]

Popularity: 69% [?]

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A few weeks ago Vicky and I drove to Raglan to surf. Here’s Vicky in front of the rolling paddocks:

Raglan was excellent for surfing. Check out the swell:

Good times, you almost didn’t need a wetsuit.

Popularity: 34% [?]

Popularity: 34% [?]

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Last night at Webstock mini the Codeblacks competed against Silicon Wellie.¹

Before the event there was smack-talk between myself and John Lewis. He defected the day before the competition, so our words were bitter!

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“You’re going down this evening… it’s cute you guys think you have a chance,” John said.

“I’m still not convinced the members of your team can wake up from their afternoon naps in time. Age has its price I guess,” I replied.

“Age and experience always triumphs youth and beauty, but I can see how they haven’t taught you that in 5th grade.”

“That’s so colonial of you! Emancipate yourself from England or be brainwashed forever! Your history books are obviously doctored.”

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The outcome? Victory!

Sarah Lewis pitched our idea to the judges and audience. Our business was about advising angel investors, and their business was about sex and porridge.

Now I know what you’re saying, “Sex and porridge? That sounds exciting!”

Yes, it may sound exciting, but it’s not like mixing peanut butter and jelly to make an awesome sandwich.

It’s more like mixing red wine and Coke. Serfs were guillotined in France for less. Baguette!

Congrats to both teams. It’s not easy creating a presentation in twenty minutes. Afterwards the Wellington Ukulele Orchestra played and they were awesome.

_{1. I wonder, why silicon? Why not polonium or rutherfordium or krypton? Is it to reference Silicon Valley? Do they know that Silicon Valley was named so because it has the largest number of breast implants per capita? That’s so hot!}

Popularity: 52% [?]

Popularity: 52% [?]

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I’m in Wired magazine this month in an article about Ponoko and instant manufacturing.

And how!

Here’s my side table, square table, turtle tiki necklace and chilly tiki necklace. If anyone has questions about Ponoko feel free to ask.

Popularity: 58% [?]

Popularity: 58% [?]

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Today the government of New Zealand granted me indefinite residency. This affords me certain inalienable rights:

1. to enter and leave New Zealand indefinitely
2. to work for any employer or setup a business
3. to walk anywhere in Wellington without shoes or socks
4. to say “bro” and “choice” and other colorful words found in the vernacular
5. to buy groceries at New World without wearing a shirt
6. to use verbs and nouns, e.g. “have a feed”
7. to eat sandwiches made from french fries and tomato sauce
8. to sing the New Zealand national anthem without feeling phony
9. to bicycle to work in Lycra

I’m sure there are other privileges, so feel free to add to my list.

And to my American friends, if you find America collapsing like a Jenga game from economic ruin, you can stay with me in New Zealand.

You’ll like it, I promise.

Popularity: 72% [?]

Popularity: 72% [?]

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