Today the government of New Zealand granted me indefinite residency. This affords me certain inalienable rights:
- to enter and leave New Zealand indefinitely
- to work for any employer or setup a business
- to walk anywhere in Wellington without shoes or socks
- to say “bro” and “choice” and other colorful words found in the vernacular
- to buy groceries at New World without wearing a shirt
- to use verbs and nouns, e.g. “have a feed”
- to eat sandwiches made from french fries and tomato sauce
- to sing the New Zealand national anthem without feeling phony
- to bicycle to work in Lycra
I’m sure there are other privileges, so feel free to add to my list.
And to my American friends, if you find America collapsing like a Jenga game from economic ruin, you can stay with me in New Zealand.
You’ll like it, I promise.
8 Responses to Resistance is futile
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You spelled “colorful” wrong
You can’t the America out of the American
one of us
one of us
one of us
Give me ten months, man, and I’ll take you up on your offer. I’m still going to have to turn on the water when I go to the bathroom though. You’ll feel like it’s 2001 all over again!
Of course, the fact that these are in the same hemisphere as you makes me just slightly hesitant.
Em that’s pretty gross! But don’t forget there are penguins in the Wellington harbor and sometimes killer whales too. Not everything is slimy and scary…
How long does it take to get “indefinite residency”. This intrigues me as I get more and more disgusted with my home ocuntry
Hi, it took me six months to get residency. In the first two years of having residency you need to be in New Zealand for six months out of each year. If you do that, and you pay your taxes, you can apply for indefinite residency.
Thanks for the invite. Unfortunately, tho, I am hopelessly in love with America. As uncool as it sounds, I think this is maybe the most fascinating country in the world. And you’re really missing out, Jeff, when it comes to these elections.
Come home.
xo
Shannon