This week I made a reservation for a bowling lane. “Hi, I’d like to make a reservation,” I said.
“Sure, how many lanes and how many people?”
“One lane will do, and somewhere between four and six people,” I said.
“We have a lane available at 6:40, what’s your name?”
“Jeff,” I said.
“What?”
“My name’s Jeff.”
“What, I’m sorry?”
“You know, Jeffrey, but just Jeff.”
“…”
“Oh you mean Jif! I didn’t understand you.”
“Yes. Jif. My name is Jif.”
Damn you New Zealand, and your softened vowels! I am not a peanut butter, a type of lemon juice, a cleaning product or a programming language. To explain, here is an excerpt from Wikipedia:
A vowel shift has occurred in New Zealand English. Front vowels, with one exception, are pronounced higher in the mouth than in England English. For example:
- pan sounds like pen
- pen sounds like pin
- pin sounds like pun
- pair sounds like peer
They forgot to include that deck sounds like dick, which always makes me chuckle.
Being called Jif reminds me of packed lunches at school. It’s not so bad, I guess.
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That’s intense. Maybe this is a sign that you should come back to the States.
Just kidding.
You know, yesterday morning Air New Zealand offered a round trip ticket to San Francisco for $600 NZD ($445 USD), and that includes tax!
I was two clicks away from seeing you in Chicago! Next time that flight will be mine…
That deck thing was certainly very amusing… Do they still have that ad about the big “dicks” ?
Yes
They still have some of the same commercials from when you were here…
That’s the Kiwi psyche, mix #8, tightness and creativity and you get good cheap ads that last longer than the latest model of ipod.
Maybe we’re trying to reduce our carbon footprint or perhaps all the creative Kiwis are working overseas…
Jana Jenna
Janna Jenna Jana Jenna
Janna Jenna Jana Jenna Janna Jenna …