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They told me you wouldn’t need to do this. But I don’t believe them!
This is the correct RSS feed: http://feeds2.feedburner.com/JefWeg
Stink!
→ No CommentsCategories:jeffrey-ism, jinxed
The setting: At a party.
“And that’s when I learnt about castrating and docking sheep1,” I said. “The poor little guys. It looks painful.”
“I know the feeling. You know between the two of us there’s a total of three testicles,” he said.
“…”
“Are you suggesting that I only have one testicle?”
“No, I’m assuming you’re a healthy male,” he said.
“What happened? Did you leave a sharpened pencil in your pocket?”
“No, I had cancer.”
“…”
“Well at least you can sympathize with being castrated, I guess.”
“True. It’s painful. Maybe next time I’ll say I left a sharpened pencil in my pocket. That’s funnier.”
1. To dock a sheep is to cut off its tail.
→ No CommentsCategories:jeffrey-ism, kiwi-ism, life, memory, odd
The setting: My desk.
The time: Sometime after coffee but before lunch.
The chief offender: Rod Drury.
§
My phone receives a text message:
“We will probably go to drink around 4. Do you have a lot of work today?”
I look at my phone. It’s sitting on my desk. As my hand moves from the keyboard to the phone, time slows. From out of nowhere, Rod swoops down like an eagle, and within a jiff his talons dig into the guts of my phone, lifting it off my desk.
I see his index finger slide across the surface. He has successfully unlocked my iPhone.
His fingers work it over. He responds:
“It’s Jeff’s boss1 here. He works until 5.”
Slave driver. The nerve! To think I have to work all day.
At least the message was innocent. I thought an iPhone was a full-proof mechanism against Rod. I guess not. The rumors are true — His fingers are in all the pies.
Now if I leave early he’s going to notice!
1. Not only is he the boss, he is the CEO of Xero
→ No CommentsCategories:catholic-ism, guilt, jeffrey-ism, jinxed, kiwi-ism, life
For the past few weeks I’ve been in Hawai’i, on the beach, usually watching surfers.
Tough life.
I could only watch the surfers because I’m just a beginner. Those waves look small but they’re easily 12 feet high. I saw a man’s surfboard snap it half.
Some other remarkable memories from my three week vacation:
I mostly slept in the sun. It was so warm…
→ 4 CommentsCategories:american-ism, jeffrey-ism, memory, patriotism
While waiting for my hamburger she asked me, “What did you get?”
“A teenie weenie hamburgini,” I said. “What did you get?”
“A fat bastard.”
§
While driving in the car she said, “Look at that cow in the field, I think it’s dead.”
“It’s weird how the other cows are standing around the dead cow. I wonder what they’re doing,” I said.
“Maybe they’re holding a vigil?” she said.
“Or maybe it’s a moo-logy.”
§
While at work he said, “You should have slipped in.”
“Slipped into what?” I asked, trying to stay awake.
“No you should have slipped in,” he said.
“Why would I slip in? People can see me moving around.”
“What? No, slipped in. You should have slipped in. S-L-E-P-T slipped.”
→ No CommentsCategories:jeffrey-ism, kiwi-ism, odd, speech